In 2023, I’m finishing things. I’m completing projects. I’m allowing things to end when they have a natural ending. I’m learning/will learn to accept those ending, and to finish what I start, however imperfectly it turns out, like physical journals. I took an old journal that I started in 1995, flipped it over, and started writing. I’m literally beginning at its end. The symbolism of that is a happy chosen accident.
When I started that journal, my friend Dev was alive and very much part of my chosen family. Marty was still alive, but I hadn’t met him yet. TJ was alive, and we were writing together nearly every night, spinning stories out of ether. Dr. H was alive and attending Veterinary classes at the same university as I was. He finished the program, and I left it. Several members of my family were still alive. The journal I’m (re)using is like a paper time machine, but less wibbly-wobbly and more likely to be found in a living room.
I will practice feeling grief over endings and partings and loss, and I will pass through them. I don’t know what I’ll find on the other side of 2023. I hope I find my voice, and my self.
I want to put energy into these three intentions every day:
1. Start something. (Something I haven’t allowed myself to start.)
2. Finish something. (Something I’ve been hoarding and won’t allow myself to finish.)
3. Use it everyday. (I’m allowed to enjoy things on more than just special occasions.)
I’m hoping posting this here will help keep me on track.
All credit to Brit, who inspired me.