This is a story I tell myself: I’ll do it tomorrow. (My cancer says, “Are you sure?”)
And this is a story I tell myself: It’s not too late. (One day it will be. One day you’ll have done everything you’ll ever do.)
And this is a story I tell myself: Next time. (There are people I’ve hugged for the last time, I just don’t know it yet.)
And this is a story I tell myself: I’m older than he’ll ever get to be.
And this is a story I tell myself: I’m older than she’ll ever get to be.
And this is a story I tell myself: I never do anything right.
And this is a story I tell myself: It’s all my fault.
And this is a story I tell myself: It’s already too late.
And this is a story I tell myself: I’m not worth it.
This is a story I tell strangers: I’m fine, how are you?
But this is also a story I tell myself: Tomorrow will be better, even if tomorrow is imaginary.
But this is also a story I tell myself: There’s no soul-deep peace like holding my cat, listening to it purr with my ear right up against its warm side, feeling it breathe.
But this is also a story I tell myself: There is no one my pets want to spend time with more than they want to spend time with me.
But this is also a story I tell myself: I’m so loved. I’m so lucky.
But this is also a story I tell myself: I can’t wait to hold my person again, as naturally as one hand folds into another.
But this is also a story I tell myself: There’s no peace like the feeling of my person falling asleep next to me, and the way they sleep with such vulnerable abandon.
This is a true story I tell myself: Today was good. Life is good.
March 17, 2023 at 6:25 am
This is so raw and honest and heartbreaking and inspiring. Know you’re in my prayers.
She will tell you she is fine,
and that is her final answer,
but she’s spent her final dime
on the call with cancer.
She will tell you she’s OK,
that there’s no need for sorrow.
This may be the closing day,
but she holds tight to tomorrow.
She will tell you she’s got hope
even when all hope is gone
’cause she’s knotted end of rope
and she’s hanging on
against the pain, the murder blade,
’cause this is how heroes are made.
March 24, 2023 at 2:57 am
What an absolute gift. Thank you, and thank you for sharing your own story with such courageous vulnerability.
March 17, 2023 at 1:25 pm
Beautiful! Your words speak to me, so much truth there!
March 17, 2023 at 3:13 pm
Thank you for sharing the stories that you tell yourself. I think that the stories we tell ourselves are some of the most important stories, because our thoughts shape our feelings and actions. I hope that you have a lovely weekend!
March 17, 2023 at 5:16 pm
Brilliant insightful post! Love the stories we tell ourselves
Just stopped by from #9
March 18, 2023 at 1:08 am
We’d all be happier and have more peace if we told ourselves true stories. I hope your stories continue to be happy and true. Visiting from FMF#10
March 18, 2023 at 1:27 am
Your honesty and openness are appreciated, we all tell ourselves stories, even if we don’t admit it!
March 19, 2023 at 12:15 pm
This is so heartfelt and honest. Thank you. I think it’s really helpful to examine what stories we are telling ourselves and why.
Jeannie (#17 in the linkup)
March 19, 2023 at 9:23 pm
You are so open and honest, and a gifted writer as well, and I feel blessed to have met you. There is much I can relate to.
After reading this week’s FMF post I wound up reading your 31 days of Nope as well.
Praying for happier days ahead for you, and for comfort, peace, and healing.
(visiting from #16)
March 20, 2023 at 7:57 pm
Bravo!
March 21, 2023 at 2:36 pm
Thank you for sharing the stories that you tell yourself. Thank you for sharing the truths and the lies. I pray you could recognise the lies that you are not worth it, that it’s all your fault and that you never do anything right. This is not God’s truth. You are worth the life of Jesus to your Father God.
Bless you in your trials, your longings and your beautiful heart.
#25