I’m not writing today because I don’t feel like it.
I’m just not in the mood. I’m not inspired. The motivation fairy hasn’t rapped me over the head with his wand, today[note]Why does the Motivation Fairy look like Hulk Hogan in a tutu? Brain, what are you doing?[/note].
And we all know I don’t go work or feed the dog or clean up after myself or go to the doctor unless I feel like it. I never do what needs to be done if I’m not inspired to.
What happens if I only do what I feel like doing? My life unwinds. Been there, done that, bought the major depressive disorder t-shirt, which was too expensive and the neck was too tight.
Depression makes living feel like absolutely everything is uphill. Anxiety makes it feel like everything is uphill, and it’s an ant hill. These two things take a lot of energy to compensate for and work around, and it doesn’t always leave much to spare for improving my life.
This writing project, though? It’s interesting. It’s an exercise in both discipline and self-care. It costs me about an hour of sleep a day, because I’m getting up an hour earlier.
I love feeling connected with you writers, and visiting what you’ve written is something I look forward to each day. I love the glimpse into other lives and places. Living alone, going to work at a job that discourages personal connection, losing my therapist because my new insurance doesn’t cover him… my days feel so isolating. Doing a group project like Write 31 Days and Five Minute Freewrites has helped with this.
So no, I don’t feel like writing this entry, today. I’m not in the mood to get up an hour earlier than usual to knock out 300-600 words, today. I don’t feel like it. And I’m not listening to that little voice that tells me I don’t have to do anything I don’t feel like doing. That’s the voice that tells me to eat what’s bad for me, and watch “Lost Girl” all day without leaving the house. It’s my inner brat[note]Who looks suspiciously like “Suicide Squad” Harley Quinn.[/note] teaming up with my good buddy, Depression[note] Who looks like Alfred Molina as “Doc Ock” for some reason. No, I have no idea why.[/note], and even though it’s tempting to listen, I’m not going to.
How are you handling your “don’t feel like it” impulses? Also, what kind of milk and cookies do you put out for the motivation fairy?
No, seriously. I think maybe he doesn’t like 2% and gingersnaps. Help?