My plan this year is to leave behind a lot of what I love.
I am leaving behind the excuses I love to give. I am leaving behind the glamour I saw laid over my relationships, obscuring them. I love that fantasy. I am leaving behind my laziness of over-focusing on others because I love to avoid doing my own work. I am leaving behind my love of safety and stability and will look towards what I fear – change and uncertainty. I am leaving behind my love of love, and embracing my love of people.
I have got to get my anxiety and anger levels down out of the red. I was taught how to shut down, not how to calm down. Who knew they were different?
My healing-focused task this week is to commit to a daily practice for self-calming. Eventually, I’d like to be able to recognize when I need it, and to do it in the moment. I want to just do some simple breathing exercises or bilateral exercises.
I have a book on understanding anger, and my goal is to read it by 1/14.
At the end of this week, I would like to feel less… less Kermit-the-frog-flinging-his-arms-everywhere-ish, emotionally.
I’m committing to 15-20 min each day spent practicing a beautifully ridiculous instrument. I’m also committing to 20 min each day revamping my writing practice. On Tuesday is couples counseling. At least one day this week, I will catch up with a friend.
Wait, let me read that again. An hour? A whole hour a day selfishly spent on my own goals and health and inner workings? I dunno, man. The world may end.
I picked up a beginner tenor ukulele a little over a year ago, and I’ve done nothing but noodle on it. It’s just one more project I haven’t quite committed to. Well. The hell with that.
I’ve picked a song to learn for January. I’m going to practice daily for 15-20 minutes. That’s doable without no excuses. Hopefully I won’t get sick of the song before the month is out.
Why? Because music is a way to connect with a couple of my friends who play instruments. The ukulele in particular is an undignified instrument, so it seemed like a good place to start. It’s a way of healing and improving my relationship to my own creative self, to my humor, to my body, and to my emotional self. Learning music is a clever way of bypassing the usual well-worn routes.
If you really want to subject your ears to some abuse, at the bottom of the page is a short recording of day one of learning chords.