Calm the fuck down.

My plan this year is to leave behind a lot of what I love.

I am leaving behind the excuses I love to give. I am leaving behind the glamour I saw laid over my relationships, obscuring them. I love that fantasy. I am leaving behind my laziness of over-focusing on others because I love to avoid doing my own work. I am leaving behind my love of safety and stability and will look towards what I fear – change and uncertainty. I am leaving behind my love of love, and embracing my love of people.

I’m doing this with a whole lot of help from the Improve Your Relationships community, and a skillful therapist.

This week’s self-directed healing plan:

I have got to get my anxiety and anger levels down out of the red.  I was taught how to shut down, not how to calm down. Who knew they were different?

My healing-focused task this week is to commit to a daily practice for self-calming. Eventually, I’d like to be able to recognize when I need it, and to do it in the moment. I want to just do some simple breathing exercises or bilateral exercises.

I have a book on understanding anger, and my goal is to read it by 1/14.

At the end of this week, I would like to feel less… less Kermit-the-frog-flinging-his-arms-everywhere-ish, emotionally.

I’m committing to 15-20 min each day spent practicing a beautifully ridiculous instrument. I’m also committing to 20 min each day revamping my writing practice. On Tuesday is couples counseling. At least one day this week, I will catch up with a friend.

Wait, let me read that again. An hour? A whole hour a day selfishly spent on my own goals and health and inner workings? I dunno, man. The world may end.

And here is today’s joyful uke mangling: