My Antidepressant Life

Have a good life.

Digital clean slate

I’m making room for new dreams.

Today I went through my Amazon account, and completely wiped it clean. No wishlists. No subscribe‘n’save. Nothing in the cart. Nada.

I emptied my IKEA wish list. Clean as a whistle.

Absolutely everything is gone that I have ever thought about bringing into my old life. Everything is gone that I dreamed of putting in a future house. Everything is gone that I had put in a list to get my (ex)husband for holidays. It’s completely bare.

It was hard to let go of those future plans. Much harder than I had thought it would be. But now I have a fresh start. Now I get to choose what I dream of. I get to pick my future, fresh from the yet-to-be-imagined garden of dreams.

Then I went to my Pinterest account, and deleted every last board. All of them. Every. Last. One. That was painful, too. I aaaalmost didn’t do it. I deleted my “someday” house board. I deleted my “someday” garden board. I deleted the hairstyles and skin care and DIY boards. I deleted my holiday ideas board, and my tattoo coverup board. I deleted my “want to visit someday” boards. I deleted my “nice things to do for my now-ex” boards.

I emptied my Netflix “to watch” list. Yes, all of it.

In the interests of having more reciprocity in my life, I unfollowed everyone on Twitter who doesn’t follow me back. Ditto Instagram.

It’s like a hunger, now. I’m wondering what else I can erase from my obsolete digital woulda shoulda coulda somedays.

My life has changed, and my course needs to change, too. I don’t want to feel regret every time I look at Pinterest, and see all the dreams and opportunities lost. Clean cup. Move down.

Photo courtesy of Danielle MacInnes

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